Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
