Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
