Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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