Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize