Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
