why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
