you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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