your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
