jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
