His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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