dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
