he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
