1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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