booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
