I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize