That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
