Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
