walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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