seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
