she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
