I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just had sex on a roof
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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