I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
