Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
