she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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