Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
