The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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