Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm getting married
To pizza
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
