big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
