Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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