my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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