so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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