Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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