i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
