God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
