whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
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