I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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