I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
If I die, sorry about rent.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
