Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
