By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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