just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
