yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
