I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
