thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
she peed on how many people?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
