I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
