I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
