had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
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Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
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I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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