the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Girls should come with a carfax report
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
