i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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