The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
