I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Randomize
