She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
