I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
