If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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