Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
