Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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