I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
