There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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