The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
