guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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