Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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