I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
