Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
