No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
