You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
