no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
