Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
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