i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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