It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
