yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
