I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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