What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
