do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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