just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
