Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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