I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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