Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I would ride that face into the sunset
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