Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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