Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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