he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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