dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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