she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
